Cocoon

I've spent most of the life that I can remember daydreaming in one form or another. I remember first having the ability to live in my head walking home from school one day in either the 1st or 2nd grade. I remember distinctly wishing for a yellow toy fire truck that would drive by itself and go to real emergencies and have firefighters jump out of the truck and go to handle things.

I was dreaming up this ultimate toy design in the context of deciding whether or not prayer worked, and whether the whole God thing being preached to me was on the mark or not. As it turns out the fire truck never materialized but even at that age I was aware that my wish was totally ridiculous and no God worth having would have any part of it.

I realize now that what I was doing was diving into my head to protect myself from boredom, and as the years went by I would develop that trend first into a vehicle for imagination and creativity, later a crutch to help me through crippling unhappiness, and then finally the method by which I denied reality.

I begin every paragraph with I. Who says blogs are for the self-absorbed?

I used to think I could turn my daydreams into a movie. A daydream from every developmental era in my life would be depicted without any outside narration, and the picture would form of a person growing up, aging, developing; from the ridiculous and innocent dreams of a child all the way to adulthood. I was pretty positive it was near brilliance.

But since I'm unlikely to make a movie in my lifetime I thought I would go ahead and use this forum to flesh out that idea. Many of the ideas that I'll write about are remembrances of actual daydreams that have kept me company throughout the years. They are an all-too personal reflection of who I was and probably still am.

Dream #1 - Early Childhood

I'm in a hospital on a gurney, pretty sure I'm dead. There are tubes and electrodes all over me. The doctor is angry that I died. He's venting his frustration to a nurse nearby who tried to help save me as well. He's so upset that he shoves the gurney I'm on up against a wall in frustration.

End of daydream.

(Notes on this one: This was inspired by a scene I saw on my favorite TV show, Emergency. I was aware that as daydreams go this one left little to be excited about or room to maneuver. Yep, I'm dead. So...)